Dust to Dust
by A-J-aria
Summary: He seeks her presence in the Fade and is at a loss when he does not find it.


**The title comes from The Civil Wars song "Dust to Dust" and highly recommended listening for this one-shot. You can visit my tumblr blog a-j-aria for my drabbles and stories and can send me prompts on there if you like. As always, reviews and favorites are greatly appreciated!**

During the day, he wanders through Thedas, both present and past. He visits the Fade, ruins and temples, sites of historic battles, looking for anything that might have been lost.

It is only at night that he comes home, or tries to at least. He seeks her out in the Fade, during the moments when the people of Thedas are lost to their dreams. But he does not find her. And it is upsetting that he cannot find she who he has sought out in his dreams many times. To steal a kiss, to hold her in his arms, to simply.. be with her. And now he cannot find her.

He begins to fear the worst.

It is not long before his fears lead him back to Skyhold. He has to check, he has to see her, to make sure she is truly alright.

Solas wanders around the castle grounds, the familiar fortress that had quickly become his home giving him a sense of contentment that he thought had been lost to him since he left. The Inquisition had grown substantially since the defeat of Corypheus, and more people flooded Skyhold's walls than before. He was silently grateful for that, as it helped him blend in seamlessly among the crowds, a hooded cloak obscuring him from the eyes of those around him.

Leliana (or was it Divine Victoria now?) likely knew of his presence at Skyhold already, but he knew the Spymaster would not pursue him. He only planned to be here for a short while. He just needed to see.

_There._ He paused in his stride as he saw her at the stables talking to the Ferelden horsemaster Dennet, a weight lifting off of his shoulders as he saw that she was alive and well. His worries from the past weeks simmering down at the mere sight of her before him. Although it was short-lived as he began to ponder why, if she were well, did he not see her in the Fade any longer? He doubted Lavellan was purposely blocking him out, was not even sure if that was possible. As he watched her form though, he studied how stiff her shoulders were, he saw the dark circles under her eyes and knew in an instant why it was that he was unable to find her in the Fade. After all, one cannot enter the Fade if they do not sleep let alone dream. And from where he stood, it looked as if it had been a long while since the Dalish woman had let her dreams carry her into the world of the Fade.

He didn't realize he was staring until her eyes lifted to meet his. She paused in her conversation, and her brows furrowed, lips turning downward as she studied him from across the grounds. Solas' heart beat wildly in his chest. He needed to go_ now_. Swiftly, he turned and slunk back into the crowds as she began to give chase. "Wait!" he heard her call, but the crowds thickened and Solas blended in like a shadow until she lost sight. She stood there, eyes frantically, desperately scanning the crowd around her but unable to find him.

His heart was still pounding like a drum inside his chest.

When night fell, he sought out Herald's Rest, deftly moving between the patrons and climbing up the stairs before Bull could notice his presence (though he knew Bull would always notice everything that went on around him despite his efforts). He was on the third floor of the tavern, people drinking and merry below him as the sound of music carried upward.

"You're here," he heard the voice next to him say, and Solas shifted his eyes to the spirit of compassion before him.

"I am."

"You made me forget. But you're here now and you.. I know who you are."

"Then you must understand why I left."

"No," Cole spoke, shaking his head. "No. You were happy here. I felt it. When you were with her. You.. Why did you leave?"

He paused, trying to keep his face stoic as he spoke to the spirit. "I do not expect you to understand my reasons, Cole. Just know that it was for the best."

Cole watched him, eyes wavering as he felt the emotions of those around him. How painful it must be, Solas mused, to be a spirit of compassion in a world full of so much hurt. "She's in pain, you know." And Solas tried in vain to ignore the pang he felt in his chest at that. "It hurts. Even after all this time. He never said goodbye. Never said a word. My chest aches, and the Fade calls. Sleep. But there is too much to do. Reports, orders. Work makes it hurt less. The Inquisition needs me. Sleep can wait. I want to —"

"_Stop._" Solas interrupted the spirit from his trance. He did not wish to hear anymore, could hardly bare it.

"You need to see her."

"No," he said again, his tone more insistent. "I am not here for that. I am here because I require your help."

"Help?" Cole asked, his head tilting at the words.

Solas held up a pouch and placed it into Cole's hands. "Sneak these herbs into her tea. They will help her sleep, help ease her worries."

"_You_ would ease her worries."

"_Cole."_ He lifted his hand, magic igniting the air around them. "You will mix these herbs into her tea," he spoke, authority seeping into his voice before it grew softer once more. "Then when you are finished, you will cease to remember I was ever here."

His hand grew brighter with the magic he held and Cole surged forward, desperately, his hands clutching the pouch of herbs tightly to his chest. "No! Please, Solas, do not make me —"

"Forget."

Solas would be lying if he said he didn't look back at Skyhold as he left the fortress behind him.

He sought her out the next time he entered the Fade and it did not take long before he found her. .. And himself. He watched as a Fade manifestation of himself sat across from her in the field they were in, staring into her eyes. She was dreaming of_ him_. And Solas had no right to feel as happy about that as he did. He watched from the shadows of the Fade as the two leaned in close, his dream self placing a comforting hand on her arm that the true Solas deeply ached to do himself.

"I thought I saw you the other day," she whispered to him, her eyes sad and locking with the dream Solas. She knew she was dreaming, knew the man in front of her wasn't real. And yet, right now, right this moment… It almost felt as if the real Solas were there with her. So she would lose herself in this memory, she felt she deserved that much. She gave a self-deprecating laugh before lifting her eyes to the man in front of her. "I see you everywhere - _feel_ you everywhere. Even here." A tear slid down her cheek and she lifted her head up and closed her eyes as if physically trying to keep the tears from falling.

Solas watched as his dream self lifted his hand from her arm and cupped her cheek, tilting her head forward once more so she could look at him. He did not speak and she gave him a sad smile as she placed a hand atop the one that cradled her face so gently. "I wish you were here," she whispered, grip on his hand tightening ever so slightly. "I miss you," she leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his own. "_So much._" Her hand shook and she closed her eyes, tears sliding down freely. The Solas in front of her wavered and began to fade, and she just watched helplessly on as he disappeared entirely, hand still hovering where it was just caressing her cheek.

Solas woke up inside the temple he took refuge in that night, feeling as lost and forgotten as the ruins around him.


End file.
